COOL to be Kind
I have a confession to make!
If you are are within a decade of my age, perhaps you were also slightly obsessed with the movie, Ten Things I Hate About You. SO many great lines and glimmers from that gem of a movie.
My confession: I thought Nick Lowes’ song (Kay Hanley covered it), Cruel to be Kind, was called Cool to be Kind, from this movie’s soundtrack. Whoopsie doodle! And just last week I was giving my girlfriend (from grade school) a hard time for never knowing the right words or song titles. Last week I actually sent her a message out of the blue reminiscing about this. I was obsessed with words and songs from an early age AND I low-key bullied my bestie about this. Not cool of me. Sorry (again)! ILYSM!
Okay, let me get to the point. I wanted to tackle kindness and how cool it really is, especially when we use it on ourselves.
I am worried, I am tired, I am healthy, I am not ready, I am capable, I am not qualified, I am strong, etc.
I AM statements are more powerful than we think, positive and negative. We start to believe and adopt what we say to ourselves on a regular basis. Limiting beliefs about ourselves and negative self-talk can be toxic. Don’t get me wrong, I am not endorsing “toxic positivity”. I one hundred percent believe in feeling all the feelings, especially the ones that scare us. I’m referring to something different.
Once you start noticing what you are saying to or about yourself, you can begin to change what you believe about yourself, which will help you create the identity you know to be true in your heart.
This is true for our children too.
The good news is that we can show our small (or big) humans how to be kind to themselves by showing ourselves kindness out loud. This can help you practice positive self-talk, as well as show them how it’s done. I use post-its when I need reminders. Your refrigerator, bathroom mirror, wall by the coat hook, and car are great places to start. It might feel silly at first, but results will begin to shine through and help you transform your life. And there is NOTHING sill about that.
Start small. Whether you are in the trenches with a project at home or work, trying to follow a new sleep routine plan, or working on a healthy lifestyle reset, we can motivate ourselves with words of kindness. We can be gentle, yet firm, paving the way for new thought processes resulting in actions we are proud of (even if that action is a big giant nap on the couch).
We can build ourselves up with the words we use, and we can knock ourselves down. The line is fine. What would you rather do?
Below I have shared a few successful reframes that I have been using on myself lately. I hope that it sparks something powerful for you too.
Instead of “I am so bad this.”
If I keep at this I will improve.
Instead of “They will never like me. I suck.”
I will be myself and if we vibe, great, if not, more room for the right connection!
Instead of “They must be right because they are the expert.”
I can consider other opinions and views but should form my own.
Instead of “I can’t do that.”
I just need to make a plan and dedicate more time to this.
Instead of “It’s my fault they aren’t happy.”
I am not responsible for their happiness.
Instead of “Why am I like this!?” (hah! a loaded statement)
I am growing and evolving every day.
Instead of “I am so bad at this!"
I don’t have to be good at something to complete it.
Small but mighty. Even if you change only one “story” about yourself in the next few weeks, you are onto something huge. You will see the results. Others will notice too. Your small successes will fire up the motivation bus and you’ll be well on your way to a lifestyle of kinder self-talk and love for yourself, which you absolutely deserve.
TRY IT. What do you think? Grab a piece of paper or post it and try writing out a few of your own reframes. It’s fun, promise. Writing things down empties our brains in a way that talking or thinking can’t quite do in the same way. I hope you found this to be helpful. Be kind to you, please.
“He who says he can and he who says he can’t are both usually right. ”
Dream big. Sleep well,
Emmy